1/8/96 Hannah Wittmeyer Witt daughter
"Hey Daddy. Did Rudolf get hit by the lightning and that's why his nose is
red?" It took repeated inquiries for Hannah's parents to compose themselves and
give the obvious answer. "Why, yes, Hannah."
1/8/96 Zachary Eitzen csu-atmos
David Mocko is getting his car registered in MD. He asked Zach for personal
plate ideas. Reply:
"top ten suggestions for david mocko's personalized
10. TWCFAN 9. INTWPRS 8. NJDVLS
7. VORTMAX 6. KORPNCH 5. TRWCHSR
4. MAMATUS 3. WXWENIE 2. MR. F5
and the number one suggestion for david mocko's personalized plate is:
(might be a little difficult to explain to a girlfriend, though)
JJ = Jeanetta Jones.
1/8/96 Nicholas Gallus Gallus son
Bill Gallus used to think the Wittmeyer kids were strange... no longer.
"Everytime our furnace clicks on (which is often in Iowa) and makes its rumble,
Nicholas yells "thunder". I constantly tell him it is winter and it isn't
thunder. It seems to make no difference. In addition, he likes to go into his
room after dark and flick the lights on and off rapidly, calling it lightning
and asking me to make thunder noises. Finally, he likes me to draw pictures
with him, and always wants me to draw lightning (no problem) and thunder (???)"
All of this with no encouragement from Bill.
1/8/96 Greg Stumpf nssl
Can't say this ever went up for a vote so here goes: Greg's cat is named Xenia.
Of course you all know why. Greg TOOK HIS CAT TO XENIA, OH just to get a
picture of her on the city welcome sign. What I want to know is, is this sign a
pre or post-tornado welcome sign?
1/16/96 Greg Thompson rap-ncar
Greg was involved in the game "Outburst!", where the players shout out items
which match a given category. When the subject of "signs of the zodiac" came
up, others cried out "Aquarius" and the like, while Greg inadvertantly chimed in
1/16/96 Mark Branson csu-atmos
Mark was playing a new computer war simulation game he got for Christmas at the
Witts during holiday football viewing. In the game, some military units can
'dig in' defensively. He was talking about his current situation in the game,
noting the enemy's high "entrainment" value. He was immediately and
appropriately accosted by the Witts in his mispeak of the word, "entrenchment".
1/22/96 Joe Terry nasa gsfc
Said "The one thing that I'm really gonna hate about dying is that I'm gonna
miss so many great snowstorms."
2/5/96 Kelley Wittmeyer csu-atmos
After reading a banner that proclaimed Coffeeville as the site of the famous
Dalton gang raid, Kelley guffawed and exclaimed, "That's not what Coffeeville is
famous for! It's famous for having had the world's largest hailstone fall
2/19/96 Greg Stumpf nssl
Kelley sent Greg an email saying that Tipton, CA is the almond capital of the
world. It took Greg less than five (5) minutes to fire back with:
"Did you know that tipton, OK holds the record highest temperature for the
state? It has hit 120F there three times (last time was in 1994).
"Did u know that tipton, KS was the sight of the infamous mega-supercell of june
15, 1992, and that we witnessed a 17-minute anticyclonic tornado there?
Also, Mitchell County KS (where tipton is) had 5-hours straight of solid Tornado
"And just north of Tipton is Cawker City, KS, the sight of the world's largest
ball of twine! (and I saw it!)."
2/19/96 Mike Meyers nws-gjt
Grand Junction TV Reporter in a Groundhog Day Interview:
"So Dr. Meyers, what physical mechanisms allow the groundhog to forecast the
Mike Meyers responding as GJT NWS SOO:
"Well, it has to do with the conditional solenoidal stratification of the
ozone layer and it's implications and teleconnections with the groundhog's
For those lucky enough to live in the Grand Junction area, this interview will
be seen on tonight's news (2-2-96).
2/26/96 Ian Wittmeyer csu-atmos
On a recent ski vacation, a number of the members of what we like to call the
"Wx-Weenie Hall of Fame" were gathered together. We're talking about some of
the guys that were the reason that this list was started in the first place,
including Ian Wittmeyer, Steve Hodanish and Chris Landsea, so you knew that
sooner or later there was going to be trouble. Sure enough, there were many
wx-weenie one-liners thrown out over the course of the trip, but one particular
incident stood out.
On a number of nights, poker was played. At one of these games late into the
night, Hodanish had won a pot, but since he was dealing the next hand, he
neglected to stack up the chips he had just won. Soon, there wasn't much room
between all of his chips and the next growing pot. Ian suggested that some sort
of boundary was needed to denote which chips were Steve's and which were in the
pot. This got the weather weenie thought process going and Ian quickly placed a
number of red chips along the "leading edge" of Steve's chip pile and told
everyone that it was a warm front. Then Landsea placed a couple of blue chips
in front of the red line of chips and said "Oh, look: It's now turned into a
stationary front!" At this point, Hodanish was laughing so hard that he was
fighting back tears of laughter and telling everyone to stop it so he could
finish dealing the game, which only egged everyone else on all the more, and it
got really ugly, with comments about the enhanced convection (stacks of white
chips) located behind the front and other related gems. But Ian is the one who
started it all, so he is hereby nominate for his "poker chip warm front".
3/25/96 David Mocko gsfc
Put together an extensive web page about the Blizzard of '96 complete
with photographs and antics of a party he and his buddies had that night
(drinking beers, pulling up maps...). This one needs to be seen to be
3/25/96 Dr William Gray csu-atmos
Dr Gray is trying to figure out what the great ocean conveyor belt is doing this
year so he can use it in his '96 forecast. he came into Jim Kossin and John
Knaff's office and suggested that they drop Knaff out in the northern atlantic
wearing a "zero buoyancy vest" and if he sinks, then the conveyor belt isn't
4/1/96 Don Dazlich csu-atmos
At Zach Eitzen's lunch at Jays, the two-bean soup was served during a discussion
of baroclinic instability. One side of the soup was dark and one side was light,
prompting Don to comment that differential heating would set up a temperature
gradient, and that if you could rotate the cup you could model baroclinic
instability in the soup.
4/1/96 Scott Denning csu-atmos
Following the above discussion, Scott was prompted to recommend the soup at
Suehiro Japanese Restaurant because of its excellent Rayleigh-Benard convection.
4/1/96 Philip Gabriel csu-atmos
At the end of the day when he is getting ready to leave, Phillip announces,
"Time to make like a particle, and scatter!".
4/22/96 Jim Kossin csu-atmos
Last Saturday while strolling to Suehiro's, Tara Jensen, Cara-Lyn Lappen and Jim
were talking about how Cara-Lyn was failing her JT300 (technical journalism)
class and she was asking if anyone had any suggestions on how she would pass.
Later on at dinner, Jim slipped into weather weenie mode by saying "I have an
idea about your JTWC class" (JTWC being the Joint Typhoon Warning Center in
Guam). What we want to know is when did Cara-Lyn start communting to Guam to
take her technical journalism class?
4/22/96 Maggie DeMott DeMott daughter
Charlotte had turned on the weather channel this morning while getting 2 yr old
Maggie's breakfast together. Maggie got into eating her cereal, and then hears
the music they play while they show the local forecast. She looks up, stops
eating, and says "Weh-duh Chan-oh!" Not realizing what she had said for a few
seconds, Charlotte said "What did you say!?" She got a big grin on her face,
pointed to the television and said "Dat duh Weh-duh Chan-oh, Mommy!"
4/29/96 Steve Miller & Phil Partain csu-atmos
For their artistic portrayal of atmospheric mesoscale phenomenon in terms of
pork on a whiteboard in rm 412 entitled: A Boaring Day at the Office with
a secondary title of: The Wild Undular Boar Theory. The following
concepts were illustrated, along with their real-world counterparts:
boarticity advection vorticity advection
squeal line squall line
boariolis effect coriolis effect
honey bake low wake low
boaroclinic zone baroclinic zone
tusk front gust front
snoutflow boundary outflow boundary
high off the hog ??????
A pig-like cloud illustration contains the "Babe Rules" tattoo on the left
5/13/96 Kelley Wittmeyer csu-atmos
Upon returning from a trip to the candy machine, Kelley remarked to her
officemate Don Dazlich that "Suzy-Qs are an F4". She tried to explain herself
by saying that she was merely referring to the buttons that she had to push to
make the Suzy-Qs drop out of the machine, but Don said the intended implication
of her statement was quite clear.
5/20/96 Steve Hodanish nws-mlb
Here's some classic HO from a recent mail from him, "PS - HOLY Camelions!!!!I am
having a very hard time keeping control of my faculties with... 1) chase
vacation coming up, 2) TWISTER, and 3 - A phone call from DR FRIDAYS (Head of
NWS) office asking ME to send IMMEDIATELY a photo of the GOES 8 launch so they
can give it to the new commerce secretary as a gift when he gets sworn in next
week!!! (I didn't have one so I had to rip the one off the wall which was
hanging in the NWS/MLB office lobby). I also found out that this photo is
hanging up in DR Fridays office!! ...[del]... Lord only knows how I am going to
sleep tonight...let alone the next couple of nights!!!)
...Give me a home, where the supercells roam, and the tornadoes are a mile
or so wide....
5/20/96 NWS-Melbourne Staff nws-mlb
Out of 20 people who work at NWS-MLB, 9 attended TWISTER opening day (MIC, SOO,
WCM, 4mets, 2HMTs). When Dorthy was finally "successful" in deploying the
"balls" into the tornado, the NWS/MLB staff cheared and clapped. Now, this does
not sound all that impressive, but it was ONLY the NWS/MLB staff that clapped
(and this theatre was PACKED! And the disappointing part of it is, HO was NOT
the one who initiated the cheering. Boy... ya think you know a guy and...
5/20/96 Chris Shaw College of DuPage
Chris saw TWISTER Friday. He had to push past TV news crews to get into the
theater and after he'd finished "tossing his cookies", he offered this critique
of the movie: FROM THE HOME OFFICE IN NORMAN OKLAHOMA, IT'S THE TOP 10
REASONS WHY MICHAEL CHRICHTON'S "TWISTER" SUCKS...
10. It cost me $7.50
9. Three words... NO WALL CLOUDS
8. The 85,000 pound Dodge RAM pickup truck
7. Core punches with no rain
6. Not one, single mobile home park
5. I can never reach BLUE with my left foot... oh,
sorry, that's why Parker Bros. "Twister" sucks!
4. I never had two women fighting over ME during a
3. Those looked like stratus clouds to me
2. The fat, redneck with the B.O. in the next seat
And the number one reason why Michael Chrichton's
1. Because those twisters blew when they're
SUPPOSED to SUCK!!!!!!
5/20/96 Ian & Kelley Wittmeyer, Mark Branson, Ian Baker, Terry Schuur, Bill
Thorson, Steve Finley, Jason Nachamkin, Mike Weissbluth, et al.
Iwitt decided to invite a few people over to watch, ridicule and drink to the
horrible movie that aired last week, "Tornado". Here is his email
announcement and the weenies that occurred.
WWUS9 KMKC 082057
MKC WW 082057
BULLETIN - IMMEDIATE BROADCAST REQUESTED
SEVERE WEATHER WEENIE PARTY WATCH NUMBER 1
NATIONAL WEATHER WEENIE SERVICE KANSAS CITY MO
357 PM CDT WED MAY 8 1996
.A..THE WEATHER WEENIE PREDICTION CENTER HAS ISSUED A
SEVERE WEATHER WEENIE PARTY WATCH FOR
PORTIONS OF NORTHERN COLORADO
EFFECTIVE THIS SATURDAY EVENING UNTIL 1100 PM MDT.
WEATHER WEENIES...DANGEROUS WEENIEISMS, AND OTHER
OUTLANDISH WEENIE COMMENTS ARE POSSIBLE IN THESE
THE SEVERE WEATHER WEENIE PARTY WATCH AREA IS ALONG
AND 75 STATUTE FEET EAST AND WEST OF A LINE FROM 120
FEET NORTH OF 2715 HIGH PLAINS COURT TO 100 FEET
SOUTH OF 2715 HIGH PLAINS COURT.
REMEMBER...A SEVERE WEATHER WEENIE PARTY WATCH MEANS
CONDITIONS ARE FAVORABLE FOR SEVERE WEATHER WEENIE
PARTIES IN AND CLOSE TO THE WATCH AREA. PERSONS IN
THESE AREAS SHOULD BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THREATENING
WEATHER WEENIE CONDITIONS AND LISTEN FOR LATER
STATEMENTS AND POSSIBLE WARNINGS.
D... CONDITIONS IMPROVING FOR WEATHER WEENIE PARTY
INITIATION. CAP IS WEAK AND WILL LIKELY BE GONE BY
LATE AFTERNOON ON SUNDAY.
The following labelled food was served:
PBL : Pabst Blue Ribbon - see Baker's weenie'ism 3/27/90
Tubes & Rods : Bugles and Pretzels
Dryline Dip : Texmex dip
Debris : Pico de gallo
Tostito Alley : chips
Not What We're Here For punch : rainbow sherbet punch, see Hodanish 6/23/90
Towering C[a]U : cauliflower & assorted veg's
CAPE Creator Beans : bean casserole
Curly Fries and Potato Wedges were left in the freezer.
Assorted Weenie Comments
- When Ian started the grill, someone said, "he's cutting to the chase and
getting on it."
- The Oklahoma Chase Hat was brought and placed in a prominent location.
- Thorson wore a cloud shirt.
- Finley trips on step, beer foams over and Ian says, "Overshooting top!".
Steve shouts, "Spontaneous convection!"
- With respect to this ranch the 'chasers' stayed at, Jason commented it was
"ground zero". Says Mark, "it's the chaser's bed and breakfast."
- When the movie characters were dancing, it was remarked by several that they
were catching some "personal vorticity".
- At one point, a chaser leaves his right turn signal on a bit long, says
Mark, "He's a right turner!"
- A chaser and a Washington beaurocrat are in the barn watching a storm at
night and he kisses her. Says Ian, "A real chaser would be watching the storm,
- Immediately after the movie, it should be noted that Iwitt and Weissbluth
went to the computer room to look at maps.
5/28/96 Somebody... in netland
The Top 10 Rejected Titles for the Movie "Twister"
10 Totally Gone With The Wind
9 Lift and Separate
8 Summer Film So Full of Special Effects We
Couldn't Fit in the Plot
7 The Weather Channel: The Movie
6 Schindler's Twist
5 I, Cumulus
4 Wizard of Oz II: The Search For Toto
3 Four Weddings & A Funnel
2 A Funnel Thing Happened On The Way To The Farm
and the Number 1 Rejected Title for the Movie "Twister"...
1 Roofless in Seattle
5/28/96 Ian Wittmeyer csu-atmos
On the day his mom drove in for a visit from California, did Ian rush home to be
there when they arrived? Well, not really... He rushed home before they
got there, grabbed his chase gear and made off for eastern Colorado!
5/28/96> Ian Baker, Ian Wittmeyer, Mark Branson csu-atmos, aster
These boys went to see TWISTER the other night and submit the TWISTER Guide
To Tornado Chasing
- wait until the tornado has been reported to get after it. nobody wants to
wait around for weather to happen.
- make sure you know the intensity of the forecasted tornado before you chase
it-REAL chasers only go after the big ones
- the only bust we know about is the one in helen hunt's tank top.
- chasing at night? no problem! you know where it will be anyway!
- property be damned-if you need to drive through a cornfield to get to within
20 feet of a tornado, the farmer will understand. it's in the name of SCIENCE.
- be sure to watch the road for farm equipment falling from above.
- if it looks like you might be in danger, follow these steps:
- don't forget, when contemplating a chase, to grab a handful of dirt. this
will give you the image of a shaman or other 'in tune with the earth mother'
persona, and by slowly releasing dirt from your hand you can have a handy
- to better maximum your strategic position relative to the tornado, it's
often desirable to leave the paved road and drive along a dirt road that
exactly parallels and remains roughly 20 yards away from the paved road you
were just on. this will allow you to smash your pickup truck into a bridge so
that the tornado can catch up to you and you can watch it whisk your pickup
away as you remain perfectly safe under the bridge as the tornado passes
- once you have a tornado spotted, don't worry about watching it. instead, you
should intensely monitor the real-time data available on your laptop to
determine if conditions are favorable for the maintenance of the current storm
or the development of new storms.
- Don't bother looking at any current data, those 6hr-old upper air analyses
will show you exactly which way the tornado will change directions two
minutes from now.
- Storms invariably wait for chasers to enjoy a nice home-cooked meal and a
hot shower before producing any tornadoes.
- Instead of watching wind direction, wind speed, temperature and humidity, a
chaser should instead become intimately familiar with local soil composition
and moisture profiles. Knowledge of these conditions are the final word in
6/10/96 Jason Nachamkin csu-atmos
Zach and Jason were looking at a developing storm and debating whether it was
going to become more impressive or not when a plane passed overhead, flying at
low altitude. Jason said, "ah, there's the low-level jet!"
6/24/96 Larry Carey csu-atmos
Larry's personalized license plate reads 70 DBZ. Enough said. I don't believe
Larry's been up on the board since the "HAIL" incident...
6/24/96 Gilbert Sebenste niu-atmos
Greg Stumpf reports on Gilbert's new answering machine message:
"Hi! I can't come to the phone right now. If you've seen a tornado today, press
one and tell me about it. If it was a multiple vortex, press 2, 3, 4 and 5. If
you're paranoid about me asking these questions, don't bother pressing buttons--
I know which storm you're on and I'm coming to get you. If you've seen one
tornado, but seen it touch down several times, keep pressing 6 repeatedly. If
you've seen a yahoo, press 7--but only while going at least 90 MPH with your
eyes off the road. Finally, if you've seen nothing, hang up. You obviously don't
have anything to say!"
The following letter was received by Paul Hebert, MIC at NWS-MIA.
Last night, my 7 year old son saw the movie TWISTER. He has abandoned his
dreams of being a train engineer and wants to be a meteorologist. Needless to
say he was determined to make an even better tornado studying machine. He wanted
to empty his bank account to get a tornado sniffing dog.
I told him that the U.S. Government funded scientific research, and suggested he
write a grant. I thought you may enjoy his efforts, and I know that he would
appreciate some kind of reply to his Grant Request.
Attached to the letter was Chaille's proposal:
I want to make an experiment to study tornadoes from the inside. I will need a
lot of money, so I am asking you for a Grant. I will need these things:
5 gallons of gas for the helicopter
5 pilots for the helicopter
1 stewardess to serve cokes
1 dog with a good sense of smell (not too big)
1 crash helmet for the dog
100 empty cans of coke (cut into little wings with a hole in the middle)
100 empty coke cans cut into big wings
10 video cameras
1 Doppler radar
2 computers (1 with pictures)
100 metal boxes for cameras (with a hole so the camera can see outside)
100 parachutes for the cameras
1 vacation for my family to Oklahoma and Kansas so we can find tornadoes
I think this will probably cost around $5,000, so send me this money as soon as
you can, so I can find the dog with the good sense of smell to sniff the
tornadoes. I promised an old lady that we would bring her a video of the inside
of a tornado, so I really need to get started. Thank you, Chaille
8/27/96 Mike Meyers nws-gjt
While Witts were out visiting Mike, the Groundhog Day News video tape was
requested (2/19/96). Mike went through all 17 of his video tapes before he
found it. After the infamous interview, he and Ian Witt kept the tape going,
watching Grand Junction local weather forecasts Mike has taped so they could see
what the weather was like last February and March!
8/27/96 Hannah Wittmeyer Witt daughter
Hannah noticed a vortex form in the bathtub as the tub was draining. She
laughed and announced in a loud voice, "Tornado warning in the bathtub!"
8/27/96 David Mocko nasa-gsfc
Jason Nachamkin told Dave that they had been delayed on a chase by a funeral
procession. Dave responded with: "Unbelievable, it only happens to us. When I
die, I give you permission to drive my hearse (with my dead body in the back) on
a chase if the weather looks good on the day of my funeral."
9/3/96 Ian Wittmeyer csu-atmos
At a recent baby shower, a helium balloon got away. As it lofted into the air,
Ian said, "Let's see if there's any low level shear!"
9/3/96 Gilbert Sebenste niu-atmos
Greg Stumpf announced his engagement. Gilbert sent the following reply.
EYYYESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! May your romance be free of Kelvin-Hemholtz waves...
may her happiness radiate upon you as if you were standing in front of a
WSR-88D...and may the attraction between you two be stronger than a tornado near
a mobile home park. In short, congratulations!
Now, the message on that wedding cake...let's see... what would be appropriate
for a WSR-88D algorithm developer? Why yes...it's coming to me now... "Accepted
August, 1996...Commissioned September, 1997"!
9/16/96 Ken Harding nws-abr
From out of the woodwork, or make that out of Alaska..., comes Ken and this
nomination. It seems that while Ken was with the NWS up in Anchorage, he had
business cards printed with the windchill chart on the back!
10/29/96 Ian Wittmeyer csu-atmos
Ian was replying to an email. His reply read, "a likely storm.". He
immediately sent another email saying "i mean, a likely story."
11/11/96 Professor Dave Randall csu-atmos
Mark Branson reports that while meeting with Dave, Dave told him about a calico
cat he saw in a park during his recent trip to Japan. Calico cats are black,
brown and white. So Dave says, "but this cat was strange because on it's one
side it was just brown and white while on the other side it was black and
white so it was like a mixed rossby-gravity wave."!
11/18/96 Allan Rosenberg
Please check out the following two URL's. The latter can be found as a link
from the former also.
11/18/96 Eveready Energizer Battery Bunny
Nominated for their new commercial. Below, Jason Nachamkin describes it in his
I don't normally rave about commercials, but I rarely find them as amusing as
the latest Energizer Battery spot. It opens up on a group of three grad student
types putting lots of fancy equipment in an old van. The guys then start talking
into the camera documentary style about how they have been chasing the little
pink bunny for years, and how they have always dreamed of seeing this elusive
creature. A couple of them even show some "rare" photographs they got from
previous chases as a respectful hush falls over the group.
The next shot is of them 'chasing' through the plains in their well equiped van,
including a rotating radar dish on top. Then suddenly, they start yelling
excitedly and the camera shows a shakey montage of the van's interior including
lots of floor video. The next thing they are running into a field after what
they think might be a possible bunny. As they reach their target, the lead
chaser turns around with a dejected look and declares "Just a woodchuck" to a
chorus of groans.
12/16/96 John Knowles mil
John and Mindy went to the Star Trek movie, "First Contact" the other night. In
one of the shots of earth from the space ship John leans over to Mindy and says,
"It looks like there is a storm in the gulf." Notes Mindy, you can't take him
12/30/96 Steve Miller csu-atmos
Steve observed, w/r/t 'star trek storm in gulf' nomination, the following, "Yea,
but did you notice that the storm was ANTICYCLONIC in the NORTHERN
12/30/96 Terry Schuur csu-atmos
Terry was asked, after a successful defense, what he was going to do now. He
replied he'd be going to NSSL. When asked if he was going to be able to spend
some time chasing, he seriously replied, "It will take some spin-up time before
I become a chaser."